jwgh wrote the following after Kibo described a Cat Stevens song he had just heard. Not R later set it to music.

CAPTAIN MARVEL'S LAMENT

I used to cry because I have no gloves
Then I met a man who had no brane
And it makes me think about my luck
HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO EXPLAIN!

And if I ever lose my hands
You'll see me jumping around
Yelling, "MY HANDS! MY HANDS! MY HANDS!
OW! JEEZ! WHERE ARE MY HANDS?"

Because I'm lucky just to have my hands.
You see?
I'm lucky just to have my hands.

And if I ever lose my legs
You'll see my rolling around
Yelling, "MY LEGS! MY LEGS! MY LEGS!
WHAT'S NEXT, MY FREAKIN' NOSE?"

Because I'm lucky just to have my legs.
You see?
I'm lucky just to have my legs.

And if I ever lose my ears
You'll see me walking around
With a quizzical look on my face
Saying, "EH? HUH? WHAT'D YOU SAY?
I'M SORRY, I HAVE NO EARS! SPEAK UP!"

Because I'm lucky just to have my ears.
You see?
I'm lucky just to have my ears.

And if I ever lose my tongue
You'll see me running around
Humming, "Hmm! Hmm! HMMmMMM HMmMM!
HMM HMM HM HMM HMM!"

Hmm hmm hmm HMMMmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmmm.
Hmmm hmm?
Hmm HMMmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm.

jwgh further notes:

Also, the following third verse was originally rejected for having a bit too much of the obvious bag about it, but it may have a certain something.

And if I ever lose my privates
You'll see me running around
Screaming, "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Because I'm lucky just to have my privates.
You have NO idea.
I'm lucky just to have my privates.

Of course, that would probably lose us some radio play. BOURGEOIS PIGS! I SPIT ON YOUR MIDDLE-CLASS MORALITY! I MAKE WEE-WEE JOKES AT YOUR WEDDING CEREMONIES, SPAWN OF ACCOUNTANTS!