Stacia commented that But hey, I just got to the point of being able to read email, so I haven't evolved to anything more difficult yet. and suggested that E-Mail Caveman would be a good song. jwgh later provided the following lyrics:

E-Mail Caveman

He's a man with a PC, Windows 95
AOL 3.0, you know that's no jive
Double-clicks all attachments 'cause he knows no fear
Reads his mail in his underpants while drinking beer

He thinks anti-spam laws are a bunch of bull
He reads all his mail in case it comes in useful
Sure, he lost twenty K on a pyramid scam
But a Nigerian friend will get it back again.

He's obnoxious but honest, he's rude but thick-skinned
Sends you jokes that offend you 'cause he thinks you'll grin
And he thinks you're a wuss, but he'll never tell
'Cause his methods are crude, but he means you well

Hasn't mastered the use of the 'caps lock' key
Never uses spell-check, because, well, why should he?
He loves to send you the political screeds
with ten pages of forwards with 'You'll love this! Read!'

Sends you virus warnings from three years ago
Tells you 'forward this message and you'll make some dough!'
Transmits richtext messages, makes your PC cry
And he doesn't understand why you ask him why.

He's obnoxious but honest, he's rude but thick-skinned
Sends you jokes that offend you 'cause he thinks you'll grin
And he thinks you're a wuss, but he'll never tell
'Cause his methods are crude, but he means you well

[repeat chorus as many times as seems desirable]